


Stating Facts

by Itsquiettime



Series: Haunted Septiween 2016 [13]
Category: Septiplier - Fandom, jacksepticeye, markiplier - Fandom, youtube - Fandom
Genre: Halloween, Haunted Septiween, M/M, vampire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-12
Updated: 2016-10-12
Packaged: 2018-08-22 02:38:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8269505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Itsquiettime/pseuds/Itsquiettime
Summary: Day 12: Vampire
“How can you be that old and not remember half the shit they teach in school today?” 
“Because I gave not a single shit.”
Inspired by THIS POST *shrugs* sorry.  I hope you like it. Also, this one got to be kind of long... sorry.  I just kind of rambled, but I hope you guys like it!





	

Jack chewed on his pencil while he glared at Mark.  He knew he was supposed to be studying for his finals, but his ever present vampire boyfriend sat across the room at his desk reading.  How was he supposed to study with something so distracting in his face? 

He glanced back down at his World Civ book, then went back to glaring at his boyfriend, “This makes no sense whatsoever.” 

“Course it does,” Mark replied, not bothering to look up from his book, “It happened.  It has to make some sort of sense.” 

“Not really.” 

Mark shrugged and nestled deeper into his chair, completely ignoring Jack’s suffering. 

“You know,” Jack twirled the pencil in his hand and smiled invitingly at Mark, “If I had a super duper handsome, kind, and smart vampire boyfriend, I’m sure he’d totally help me out with this stuff, since he was alive while it happened.” 

Mark rolled his eyes, closed his book, and looked over at Jack expectantly. 

Jack spun back to his notebook, “Okay so the Black Death-“ 

“You’re out of luck.” 

Jack blinked at being interrupted, then turned to look back at Mark, “What?” 

“You’re out of luck.” He said it slowly, as if he was talking to a mentally handicapped duck.  Then promptly opened his book again and returned to reading.

“What do you mean I’m out of luck?” 

“I mean you’re out of luck. I can’t help you.  Looks like you’re going to have to study just like all the other students who probably don’t have vampire boyfriends.” 

“Probably?”

“I’ve been picking up some weird scents recently.” 

Jack sat confused and slightly irritated for a moment before shaking his head, “You’re trying to distract me.” 

“Nah, just stating facts.” 

“Regardless,” Jack crossed his arms, “why won’t you help me.” 

“It’s not that I won’t, sweetheart.  It’s that I can’t.” 

“Don’t call me sweetheart. It makes it sound like you’re my sugar daddy.” 

“I practically am, _sweetheart_.” 

“Mark.” 

“Fine, fine.” Mark grumbled before putting his book down on the desk and crossing his legs in the chair, making himself comfortable. 

After he was cozy, he looked back up at Jack and said, “I took a nap.” 

Jack’s brow furrowed in confusion, “You what?” 

“I was napping.  I missed the Black Death because I was napping.” 

“… how _old_ -“ 

“Don’t start that shit with me.  We discussed this.” 

“Alright, alright.” Jack said, waving his hands, “but how long did you sleep?” 

“Vampires sleep for quite a while when we feel like it, it’s kind of like being dead, but we just kind of go into a coma like state for a few hundred years.”  Mark put his hand to the back of his head, “I fell asleep not too long after that dick… um… what was his name?  Henry?  He signed some sort of treaty?  Religious freak that one. “ 

“Wait.” 

Mark looked at him, raising an eyebrow.

“Are you telling me you were alive when the  _Treaty of Paris_ was fucking signed? _Are you?”_

“I mean I guess so.” 

“I’m gonna have a fucking heart attack.”

“That would suck. Hey, if you die, can I have your blood?” 

“Don’t get ahead of yourself.” Jack sighed and placed one hand to his chest and scratched.  “ _Fuck_ you’re old.  Why are you even _with_ me?” 

Jack shook his head while Mark made a face at him, “Because you’re-” 

Jack waved his hand again, “Never mind.  So, when did you wake up?” 

Mark leaned back and scratched his cheek for a moment, trying to remember an important point in history that was happening when he crawled out of his napping hole.  “The first thing I heard when I started speaking to people again – it takes a few years to assimilate by the way, it aint easy – was about that one dumbass that had landed in America but thought he was in India.  He got lucky that it was a new world.  Do you know how dumb he would have looked otherwise?  Human history is actually made up of spectacular fuck ups that you would not believe.” 

Jack was still staring in shock. “Christopher Columbus.  You’re thinking of motherfucking Christopher Columbus Jesus Christ and you just called him _stupid_.  How can you be that old and not remember half the shit they teach in school today?” 

“Because I gave not a single shit.  Just like right now, I’m pretty sure this Trump thing is gonna go belly up and I’ll live through it because I don’t give much of a shit about it. Humans will live on, just like they always have.  I may go live through it in Brazil or something though.  Nah, not Brazil… maybe Ireland?  How would you feel about going back home Jack?”

Jack could do nothing but stare at his boyfriend in utter shock.  It was silent for a few moments until Jack turned back to his World Civ book, he wouldn’t be asking Mark any more questions until he could wrap his mind around what his boyfriend was telling him. 

He needed a drink.


End file.
